How to Make Me Unhappy

Things that make me unhappy.  Oh, that list could probably get long.  Really long.  And I hate that, I really do.  Because I like to be happy.  But...I work as a civil servant, so I am constantly facing the public....who a lot of the time, is not happy and they want to see how unhappy they can make everyone else.  But I continue to smile and let them be unhappy, so that I can make fun of them when they leave out of here.  I can't help but wonder what makes them all so dang unhappy all of them time.  So, on you guys' behalf, I have compiled a list of things that make me unhappy.  These things will make me, want to make you miserable...so for your reading pleasure, here are the things that make me, Jennay, an unhappy girl. 

1. Stepping into a puddle of water from melted ice while wearing socks ~ let's face it.  It was an ice cube.  We all know this.  But my brain tells me that I stepped in throw up or dog piss or dog shit.
2. People who don't pick up dropped ice cube and attempt to kick it under the fridge instead.  ~ no need to explain this one, I don't think.
3. squishing the tube of toothpaste, right smack in the middle ~ I have been known to lock children in the time out closet for this very act (TOTALLY JOKING...there is no closet that can be locked inside my home.....nor is there a closet that we call the timeout closet.)  But seriously, how hard is it to work your way from the bottom up?  Oh but nooooo, lets grab that bad boy right in the middle and just squeeze our fist, leaving plenty of paste at the bottom.
4. People taking food off of my plate....especially anything potato related.....or fried...~this will get you sporked.  And sporked quickly.  It's my dayum plate of food.  Go get your own.  Oh, wait...you've GOT your own...why the hell are you grabbing mine?
5. People who litter ~ my momma  thumped me upside the head if she saw me litter.  I'm not joking.  I once threw something out the window while she was driving and she pulled over and made me walk back to get it.  When I yelled back that there was more than what I had thrown out, she made me pick up everything around it.   Then I got back in the car with a bunch of trash and she thumped my head.
6. People who attempt to jump in front of others in line because they "just have one real quick question" ~ ummmm, I don't care if you have a two worded question....go back to where you were and wait, just like everyone else here.  (I do love it when they are sent right back to the end of the line again).
7. water spots around my kitchen sink (or ANY kitchen sink) ~ pretty self explanatory, I think.  I cannot walk past a sink that has a mess around it.  A mess can be IN it, but not around it.  I need that shit to be dry and clean.  Do you know how hard it is to keep it this way?  It's a dayum sink....with water....there are gonna be spots....yeah, but no....not mine.
8. Someone saying "why you gotta always try to make people laugh" ~  my answer..."why you gotta always be a dick who wants to kill any kind of joy people may find?"  Why in the world would you question my wanting to do that?  What is wrong with laughter?  Happiness makes people just that...happy.  Geeze, Louise.
9. an empty box of something put back into the pantry ~ why be lazy?  Why not just throw that box in the trash?  Cause now, not only am I aggravated with an empty box, I'm pissed off that the snack I was going for, yeah, it isn't there.  I was led to believe it was there, because you know, there's the box.   But, no, it wasn't there.
10. People who make what should be obviously unwise, choices ~ you want to play basketball with your pants or shorts hanging past your ass?  Well, then no, I don't have an ice pack for the ankle you just turned because you had to make a choice to pull up your pants or catch a ball and trip because your pants fell. 
11. Pee or other things that have fallen from the nether region, left on the toilet seat ~ this is just nasty.  Nasty, nasty, nasty.  Now, I know that EVERYBODY looks down at what they did in the toilet.  I'm sorry.  We do.  We are forced to see what is in there when we turn to flush (with our foot, cause using the hand is gross) the toilet.  HOW DO YOU NOT SEE WHAT YOU LEFT BEHIND ON THE SEAT ITSELF?  I won't go into detail, because then I'll start gagging....but working in a gym, I've seen some pretty disgusting stuff.  Stuff where I wondered what in the hell it was and stuff that I KNEW what in the hell it was.  Clean your shit up.  For real.

Actually, coming up with eleven things that I hate was a little difficult, but, now that you know all of this, I'm sure that you will make sure that you don't do any of these things, in order to stay off of my S.H.I.T. list.  If not, then read them again. Learn them.  Memorize them.  You will be tested later.