Where Do I Start?

I'm not sure how many people will actually read this, but I figured that writing it here would be better than a long status on the Book of Facehole.  If you've been a follower of my page, then you know the history.  But if you are kind of new to it, then you may be totally lost as to what is going on with The Little Man.  Or you may not really care because you are just there for the laughs and I'm totally good with that, too, because that's why I have that page.  But then you know that while laughing is all good, there is that thing called real life that creeps in there and can shit all over the laughs and then you are left standing there with shitty laughs and then suddenly the jokes on you.  Did that make sense?  I digress.

I've gotten messages, questioning why I would ever send my son to boarding school.  Trust me when I say that it was not an easy decision.  It has probably been one of the most difficult one ever.  Not to mention the cost of it.  Yes, it is crazy expensive.  No, we aren't rich.  Yes, we did cash in his college savings.  No, I do not regret that.  He will have to foot his own college bills, like I did, like so many others did in this country.

Here's our history.  Reminder....this is what has happened in OUR teenage years....this is in no way, shape or form saying that this is what YOU have to look forward to.  This is in no way, shape or form a "just wait until".  This is what is happening in our life. 

Things were mosying right along in our life.  It was grand.  And then somehow, somewhere, something happened and things weren't all grand.  There were many changes in our family.  Death's, divorces, more death.  All of this happened right before our son turned the grand ol' age of 13.  Now, I'm not saying that this is an excuse for his behavior, BUT, I think that it was a lot for a kid to process and when he couldn't process it all, things went to shit.  In the last 18 months, we have dealt with:

• running away
• lies (ohmygods the lies)
• cursing us out
• physical violence
• threats of suicide
• threats to me
• failing school
• drugs
• school suspensions
• possible school expulsion
• theft

I think that's the short list.  We have tried it all.  Grounding, popping his mouth when he curses us out, removing doors from his bedroom, being the understanding parent, being a little more lenient, being extremely strict, therapy (still going to therapy).  And for the last two weeks, he has been living with his grandparents due to him threatening me.  He comes home today, now that The Big Sexy is home (something that I am very nervous about).  The police have been to our home 3 times in the last 6 months, due to him becoming physical and having to be restrained, with the most recent visit two weeks ago.  His dad and I have wracked our brains trying to figure out what else we can do.  The fact is that our son does not respect us, our house or our rules.  So, we decided upon this boarding school because we felt like it could get him back on track, grade wise, and they could take the emotions out of correcting his behavior.  If that doesn't work, then the next step is military school.  If that doesn't work then the next step is a National Guard program.  (assuming that he doesn't land himself in jail/juvie during all of this...which could be a possibility based on the current course his track is taking).  I also have a 10 year old daughter to take into consideration.  She has seen and heard way more than a 10 year old child should ever have to and I refuse to put her through it anymore.  She deserves to have a loving environment, not one where everyone has to walk on eggshells for fear of setting her brother off.

People are very quick to issue judgements when they see bad behavior like what is listed above.  "I'd beat his ass."  "I'd boot his ass out my house."  "Knock his teeth in."  All advice that has the best of intentions behind it.  (I think)  But it's very easy to say what you would do, especially when you are not in that particular situation.  You may be going through something similar, but yet it's not the same.  So many people are quick to see the misbehaviors of kids/teenagers and say "WHERE ARE THEIR PARENTS?  Burn them at the stake.  It must be their fault."  I can't speak for everyone, but I can say "We, the parents, are right here.  We are trying.  We are doing everything we can."  It's a tricky situation.  One where you love your child with everything in you and your heart is so full of that love that it wants to explode.....and it feels like your heart HAS actually exploded because it lays there, right in front of you, in a million shards, broken.  I hope none of you ever experience being told that you are hated.  That you are the worst parent to ever walk the planet.  Where nothing that you say or do is correct.   Because when those words are said to you....one of those shards that is lying on the ground....yeah, it feels like it was picked up and jammed right into your chest.

I keep hoping that the kid that I knew two years ago, will return.  The fact is that even if he does show back up, I am so changed as a parent to him, due to him, that I don't know if our relationship will ever be the same.  I hope that it will.  I hope that when he is in his 20's (or even sooner) that he will appreciate everything that we have done for him.  And even if he doesn't, I will still love him.  Cause that's what mom's do.