The Importance of Dressing

Thanksgiving.  That time of year where everyone is so vocal about what they are thankful for and letting us know that they are thankful for everything from their husbands to their coffee pots.  I get it.  I understand why they feel the need to do it.  I've been guilty of doing that myself in year's past.  But this year, well, it was a little different.  Believe me when I say that I am no less thankful than I usually am, because I SO am thankful for all I have or don't have.  But....our family lost its matriarch last April and she was all about Thanksgiving and Christmas time, so I have been struggling with how we would handle this year.  My mother in law had this season down to a pat without blinking an eye.  Cook for twenty five people, no problem.  Have it taste good, no problem.  Me, well....Houston....there may be a problem.

 

You see, not only did we no longer have the Lady who can handle the season, gone....we have new members joining our family.  Not long after my mother in law passed, my father in law connected with a long time family friend who had recently lost her husband and they bonded in a way that our family is most grateful for.  This Thanksgiving, her family and our family, were all getting together..... at my house.... to eat stuff that I had cooked and just.....well, be Thankful.   Now, I didn't mind this gathering taking place at my house.  No big deal because we have enough room.  What I did mind was being volunteered to cook.....The Dressing.  Okay....I can cook.  But not like my mother in law.  Not at all like my mother in law.  You see how I capitalized "The Dressing"?  Well, that's just how good hers was and my Big Sexy felt confident enough in me to say, "sure....Jennay can cook that."  So, now....we are having our first Thanksgiving without Big Sexy's mother, but WITH the lady who will be the step mother and about twenty five more, at MY house, with ME cooking.  I'm not stressed.  I'M NOT STRESSED AT ALL.  Did I mention that we were doing it early because Big Sexy was going to be offshore on Thanksgiving Day?  Did I mention that the day that they settled on was also the same day as the Color Run that I was supposed to participate in?  Oh, but we are doing an evening dinner, so it will be fine, they said.  And it was.  Fine, that is.  Until I got sick the Tuesday before and then my husband's grandfather died that Thursday night. 

 

The being sick part was no big deal.  Bronchitis, sinus infection, ear infection.....you get shots and meds (if you're lucky), you continue on.  You're a mom.  Ain't nobody got time to be sick.  Not on normal days and especially not during holidays.  The Grandfather passing away, well, that was a little bit bigger of a deal.  Why?  Because my father in law had just lost his wife seven months ago and was experiencing a lot of life changes with that, in itself.  He's also a pillar of our community, which is going through some serious budget issues, so he has the stress of that on his shoulders.  Now, his father passes away and I gotta tell you, I was worried about him.  But he's handled it.  He's handled it with a strength that I didn't know was possible because if it were me going through what he has here lately, I would find a hole, bury myself in it and refuse to come out for at least six months.  I've digressed some here....back to Thanksgiving....so with the death, I had to cancel on running the Color Run, which relieved a little stress, and our Thanksgiving was pushed back a day.....which should have relieved a little MORE stress, but it was actually giving me another day to stress OVER it.  I had already taken off two days of work due to being so sick, so I decided to also take off Friday, to clean and prepare for the funeral taking place on Saturday and Thanksgiving Sunday. 

 

Big Sexy and I got the kiddos off to school and commenced to cleaning the house and cooking.  I quickly learned that I cannot cook AND clean at the same time.  How did I learn this?  Because I burnt two pies and broke a ceramic pumpkin and fleur de lis, while trying to do these two things at one time.  So, Big Sexy stopped me and said, "You do the cooking, I'll do the cleaning....it's all gonna be okay."  He said more, but it was of a sexual nature, which was to get me to laugh and lighten up and it worked, but I figured, I would spare those details for you.  And so he cleaned and I cooked.  It semi worked because I only cut one finger and over flowed a couple of things I was boiling.  Everything that could be done ahead of time for Thanksgiving, was done.  The stress of Saturday's funeral came and went and my eyes popped open on Sunday at 5:30AM, ready to get up and get started for our day of Thankfulness.  Or get up and stress about that dayum dressing.  But I was ready....I had a plan.  I decided that I would also make chicken and dumplings because if my dressing was too dry, they could just pour the dumplings over it and BAM....moist.  I made a few casseroles.  I touched up the cleaning around the house.  I re-covered the bar stool cushions (what....you don't re-cover shit when you stress?) and I put together.......The Dressing.  

 

Why is this Dressing so important enough to blog about it?  It's important because, to me, it represents my mother in law.  Weird....I know.  This was our first holiday without her and although she was not gonna be here in body, by Gawd, I wanted our family to walk into my kitchen, scoop that dressing onto their plate, place a bite of it into their mouth and FEEL like their mom had just been in my kitchen cooking.  I wanted them to feel like she was with us again.  That's ALL I wanted.  I needed this one item to be good.  I needed them to feel how much I loved their mother, poured into this dish, to know that I know I could never replace her, but that I would do my best to carry on her tradition and her style, even though we were going through so many changes as a family unit.  Strange?  Probably.  But it's the God's honest truth.  And do you know what response I got back while everyone was stuffing their faces?  My Little Man.....saying, "Ma.....this tastes JUST LIKE Gran's."  I just smiled and said thank you, when inside, I was doing the fist pump saying, "YES!  Mission accomplished."   The icing on the cake was when upon leaving, my father in law stopped, hugged me close and said, "You are in charge of The Dressing every year.  Gran would have been so proud of it, almost as proud as she was of you being her daughter."  Cue the tears.  My thankful ass was done.  Until next year.

 So, I don't seem unthankful.....I'm blessed with my munchkins.

And even more blessed with my Big Sexy.

What My Blog Ladies Mean to Me

  Earlier this year, I felt lost.  It is very difficult to explain why.  My best friend had moved 1300 miles away.  My mother in law was dying before my eyes.  I was struggling with knowing that I no longer would have that go to person right near me.  Not my mother, not my best friend, not my mother in law. Life was carrying on even with this knowledge, as it should, but I was floundering.  What was my purpose?  What do I do with myself?  Who the hell am I?  How do I do this alone?  And when I say alone, I know that I have The Big Sexy.  I KNOW THIS.  But I do better having that go to person, too.....that female.....that one that just "knows" what the hell I'm talking about, because she's been there.  She's experienced it.

So, I was playing around on Facebook and as crazy as it may sound, I stumbled upon a post by People I Want to Punch in the Throat. It was one about the over achieving mom's and the elf on the shelf bullshit.  She had me at hello.  I read her blog religiously because it was almost as though I was reading something that I, myself, would have written because Gawd knows, I had thought what she was writing.  I wouldn't say what she had written was life changing, but it was eye opening in the sense that there were other people that I had never met that truly are, like me.  From her blog and Facebook page, I come across The Underachiever's Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess and You Know It Happens at Your House Too, which led me to Tripping While Standing Still, I Want a Dumpster Baby,  Mary Tyler Mom, and Slice of Humble.  These were all women that I followed for a few months before starting my own blog and Facebook page.  These were the ones that helped me in such different ways and didn't even know how much.   Some of them don't even have me on their radar....and that is okay.  Little did I know just how much more I was going to learn about myself while continuing to follow them and read what they wrote/posted every day.

When I initially was going to start my page/blog, I was going to about being a bitch.  A rock 'em, sock 'em, tell 'em how it is kind of gal.  I mean, this is how some people in real life view me anyway, I was just gonna live up to that.  Yes, I am a person who will not hide how I feel about things.  I am a person who is passionately loyal and protective of my friends and family.  I am a person who believes what she believes and won't let someone intimidate me because they believe differently and somehow, all of that made me a bitch to some and I had let it convince me that I was one.   But, my view of what I wanted for my page and blog changed after continuously reading what these women wrote.  I realize that their purpose for their blogs and pages may be way different than what I walked away taking from them, but the fact remains is that I walked away WITH something.  And that something was good.  I no longer wanted to be a bitch or known as a bitch.  "I" hadn't changed.  I was still the person that didn't hide her feelings.  I was still passionately loyal and protective of my loved ones.  I still believed in what I believed in.....but I now viewed things through different eyes.

What did I take from these blogs?  I walked away feeling that I needed to show more compassion to others.  I walked away feeling like I needed to quit being so quick to judge others (insert disclaimer here....I am judgemental....this I know....I am a HUGE ass work in progress on this one).  I walked away realizing that I don't have things bad.  That things could be much worse and that I needed to be thankful for what I had.  A job.  A husband who adores me.  I walked away learning that I needed to be a better parent to my healthy children.  That I needed to show them more patience and understanding.  I walked away with inspiration to be better.  Better all around.  Be better in my quest for health.  Be better in my parenting.  Be better in my role as a wife.  Be better as a friend.  Just.  Be.  Better.  These ladies helped me so and they weren't the only ones.  God....there were a handful more, but these were the ones who helped me the most and continue to do that every dayum day.

As I created my own page and began writing, I found more and more women who were just as inspiring.  (Craughing, Deb at The Monster in Your Closet, Blissfully Discontented to name just a few) How is it that strangers can help one another so?  I don't know, but they did.....

And for that, I am thankful.





Know Thy Neighbors Well (No...not like THAT)

Oh, Trick or Treating time....how I love thee.  The decorations.  The giddiness in the kiddos ready to get candy.  The cute little costumes.  The walking door to door and talking with the people in the neighborhood that you don't usually talk to.  The running into the neighbors that you don't get to see much and talking with them in the middle of the street.  The finding out from those same neighbors that you have registered sex offender living three houses down.....<record scratching> WHAT?

Yep.  You read that right.  I have a registered sex offender, living three houses down from me and didn't know it.  You know what's even worse?  He's been there for a month.  You know what's worse than that?  My children (12 year old son and 8 year old daughter) frequently stop by that house when walking our dog, because the elderly couple that lives there (his parents), also has a dog and they like to sniff each other.  They don't go in, they just stop by the yard when the dog is out there.  You know what's weird?  About a month ago, I started having overwhelming feelings of anxiety when I would let my daughter take the dog on his walks.  I even mentioned it to my husband, but we both agreed that it was probably because of all the media focus on those poor precious children who had been abducted on their way to bus stops or bike rides and murdered.  So, we both said that we couldn't take away our children's independence because we were scared, but we would just be more wary of what we allowed them to do.  Now, I almost feel that it was more than just the news that had me worried.  Maybe it was my spidey senses going off, saying that something wasn't right. 

After playing over a million "what if" and "this could've happened" in my mind, I decided that I needed to stop and just sit the kiddos down and talk to them about it once I had all of the information in my hands about who this man was, what he did, who he did it to, what he drives, and what our plan of action on OUR end would be.  I know that in some instances of registered sex offenders, not everything is what it seems, so, first things first, I go on the website for our parish that shows me where sex offenders live around me.  Only 3 within a 5 miles radius.  Not so bad when you know that there are some areas that have way more than that.  But one is literally 3 houses down.  Suddenly, it feels like you have 100 in a 5 mile radius.  That is just a little too close to home.  My next step was to register for notification of when a sex offender moved within a few miles of my home and then I registered to follow this particular one who lives so close.  I printed out his picture and information and tucked it into my purse.  Then I started making phone calls to people who could find out some answers for me as to what this man did.  It didn't take long to find out that he was convicted of molesting his 11 year old step daughter in 2002 and was just recently released from jail, moving in with his parents on October 2.  So, for one month, this man has been living so close to us and I didn't know.  No notification was given.  Not by him, not by anyone.  Thank Gawd for neighborhood gossipers, otherwise, I would still be in the dark.

After getting all of the information I could, I brought the man's photo home with me and sat the kiddos down to talk.  My son was okay.  "Ma, I'm a black belt.  If he ever tries to mess with me, I'll kick him in the ballsack."  But my little ChunkaMunk....you could see concern and upset all over her face.  The upset was because she would no longer be able to take the dog for walks alone and that she needed to always be playing with someone else outside, whether it be a friend or me.  The concern was over what if he tried to hurt her.  I did my best to comfort her give her the facts, but gawd....she's eight.  I want to scare her enough to be more careful of her surroundings, but not scare her so much that she can't function alone.  "Ma, we walk by that house every day, twice a day on the way to the bus stop.  What if he tries to get me?", she says.  "Ohhhh, baby girl....that won't happen because the keyword is "we"...."we" walk by that house everyday and rest assured, if anyone ever tried to "get" you, whether it's him or someone else, they would have to go through me first and we all know that I'm one tough mutha, right?"  That seemed to make her feel more at ease.

I guess what I'm taking from this, is that although I think that I am a good parent and I do the best that I can to protect my children, there is always something (or someone) out there, that I don't know about, that could hurt them.  I needed to do a better job in finding out who my neighbors were and not just the ones right next to me.  One way of doing that was for me to register for notifications on the sex offender website.  You better believe that I know the names and the faces of the three who live within 5 miles of me and so do my children and if I get any alerts of more, we will familiarize ourselves with them, too.  Does it comfort me to know this?  Not really.  Especially when I know that in most of these cases, these men (or women) hurt children that they KNEW.  One thing that does comfort me is that the house that this sex offender lives in is up for sale.  May it sell quickly....and in the mean time, I'm getting to know my neighbors....and I suggest you do the same.