Judging....What I'm Good At.

Now, now, now.  Before you get your panties in a wad about my title, it's not as bad as you think.  I mean, yeah, I admit to being judgemental, or more like a pre-judger to save you from judging me later, but that's not what this is all about.  Karaoke.  Ummhmmm.  I was asked, ever so sweetly, to judge the finalists from a 5 week long karaoke contest.  I'm a sucker for these kinds of things.  When people ask me to do something, I tend to say yes, without finding out the details of it first and this was no different.  I said yes, without asking how many finalists there were and what were their ages.  Yeah, well, there were 25 contestants, ranging from age 4 to 60 something.  Thankfully, I had forewarned the restaurant owner that I would have my children and he was providing food for them, because when I got there, I knew it was gonna take a little while.

I won't pick on the little kids, because they are just that, little kids.  It takes a lot of courage to get up there at 6 years old and be able to sing "My Girl", all while trying to read the words on the screen.  That's hard, especially when you have just started reading.  I will say this, if I let my four year old child enter a karaoke contest, I would not be letting her sing a song about a "Refill" saying "I feel like a girl in the bar who can't stand up"....that's not really a topic that I want her singing about.  I will, however, be glad to let her sing the Barney song.  In the end, the little "My Girl" kid, a girl who sang "Dock of the Bay" and and the two little boys who sang "Beat It", won for their age group.

The older group, well, they are fair play and we had 14 of them to pick on.  I'm gonna highlight a few:

Contestant #1 ~ Johnny B Goode ~ I wanted him to B Goode, but it just didn't happen.  Well, until he broke out into the Michael J Fox move from Back to the Future.  I gave him extra points for that.  The man was around 55 years old and still managed to pretend that he was holding a guitar and doing that leg pump thing across the stage.  I can see it in my mind, but I can't put it into words.  Back to the Future, Michael J Fox, prom scene....pretty much describes it, but just an older man, making it feel ....well, weird.

Contestant #2 ~ Here for the Party ~ okay, she was pretty good.  Nice to look at at.  But was wearing these heels that made it difficult for her to walk around in.  She was taking little bitty baby steps all across the stage, back, front, left, right.  I had a hard time listening to her sing, because I was too focused on the type of shoes she was wearing, that would make her walk like that.  They weren't that fabulous, by the way.

Contestant #3 ~ Gunpowder and Lead ~ Okay, now here's where things got interesting for me.  Miranda Lambert had the crazy ex girlfriend type of album and this song was on it.  This contestant fit that description.  There is just something about the way this girl sang this song that scared me.  I mean, have you ever had someone staring at you through her glasses and angrily sing, "I'm going home, gonna load my shotgun" and feel like she was talking directly to you, so you nearly piss your pants?  I was scared.  Real scared. 

Contestant #4 ~ Elvis ~ I don't even know the name of the song that this man sang.  I know it was Elvis and even if it wasn't an Elvis song, I would swear that it was, simply for the fact that the man standing up there singing it, was Elvis.  No, really.  He was Elvis.  He was in his 60's, with the black hair, side burns, and those weird glasses that Elvis wore.   He also did the whole, point to the left with your left arm and the circle swinging right arm.  It was an Elvis song.  I'm pretty sure.

Skip a few contestants cause one was just a little okay, the other was a beauty pageant girl singing Miley Cyrus's The Climb.  Enh...moving on.  Neither were really worth writing home about.

Contestant #7 ~ The Change ~ okay.  Now, this is a Garth Brooks song.  Do not eff up Garth.  It was a nice looking, young Latino man singing, so I was a little sketchy about this.  But dang, he was good.  Real good.  And that's a good thing, because by this time, I was watching the Olympics on the screen over at the bar.  He was nice to look at, too.  High score, dude. 

Contestant #8 ~ Rolling in the Deep ~ you know the saying "don't judge a book by its cover"....well, it applies here.  Heavier set lady walked up to the stage.  I'm not going to lie, she looked like she had worked all day long and came straight to the contest.  A man, who I am assuming was her husband with their kids, came in shortly after she arrived, kissed her and sat off to the side.  So, I'm just gonna go with my assumption that she came straight from work.  My point is, she looked tired and not at all ready for this.  But I'll be damned if she didn't open that mouth and start singing and I had to give my self an imaginary slap for pre-judging her, cause I knew better than that.  She wailed that song.  And worked that room.  She walked all over the place, singing up in some men's faces, saying "you coulda had alllllll", while moving her hand down her side.  The man, who I think was her husband, was sitting over there on the side, grinning like a jackass eating briars with a look that said, "that's my woman and yeah, I know, she's good."  It kinda reminded me of my own husband.

Contestant #9 ~ Rock N Roll ~ Led Zeppelin...well, the lady had pipes, but in no way, shape or form would I have wanted to follow the lady who was just before her.  She tried though.  She really did.  Did a lotta screaming.  The problem with this song is....well....it probably needs to be karaoked in a bar room, where everyone is drinking and throwing up the rock and roll hand signs and singing it with you.  Not really in a restaurant where noone but you is getting into it.  My ears are still hurting from this one.

Skip a few more because they were just boring songs that had me watching the Olympics again

Contestant #14 ~ Wild Horses ~ last contestant and thank Gawd, because I was over it by this point.  OVER IT.  Then to have this one sung, I was practically laying on the shoulder of the judge next to me, drooling while asleep.  It was the perfect song to put someone to sleep....well....if it was sung correctly.  I still attempted to sleep....okay, not really, because that would have just been rude and I tried my best to smile through all of the songs.  But this one....was bad....real bad.  So bad that it made me wonder how poorly the other contestants did the night that she won the first round.

I'm in my daze from the last performance and the judge beside me nudges me, "hellurrrr....score her so we can get the hell outta here."  So, I did.  The scores were all tallied and "Rolling in the Deep" girl won first place of $500....wait, what...$500?  I should have been in this contest.  I should have ordered more food for me...errr, I mean my kids....a $500 first prize????   The second place winner was my Latino Garth Brooks.....$250.  The third place winner was.....Elvis?  Wait, I don't even know what he sang, but he still won the $100 prize of third place?    Okay, okay....let me get the hell outta here because that Gunpowder & Lead chic is giving me the eye and it's making me all nervous about shotguns and whatnot.....<grabs kids...quickly exits building>