I Need A Filler

In the last year, my family has lost my mother in law and a grandfather.  In the last two weeks, we have lost two grandmothers.  My husband's and mine.  With the loss of my grandmother (my mom's mom), it has struck me as hard as losing my mother.  Almost harder.  I don't remember crying at the drop of a hat when my mom died.  I don't remember having an overwhelming sense of spinning out of control.  I don't remember wanting to run through a field, screaming at the top of my lungs.  I don't know why.  I don't have funny.  I don't have a smile.  I want to sleep.  I want someone else to tend to my children.  I want someone else to clean.  I want someone else to cook.  I want someone else to breathe for me.  Because I can't do any of it right now.  Can I get a seat filler?  You know, like they do at the Oscars when the actor or actress's seat is empty, so they have someone fill it for them?  I need one of those.  All you will need to do is smile pretty, act like nothing is wrong, and be Superwoman.  Easy peesy.  Meanwhile, I'm not accepting an award while you are my filler....I will just be here, under the covers, trying to breathe and figure out a way to accept that I am not always in control. 

Not So Private Sessions

We all do it.  Okay, maybe not ALL of us, but MOST of us take pictures of ourselves with our phone.  Pictures making funny faces.  Pictures of us looking pretty.  Pictures of us just being us.  And yes, some take pictures of ourselves looking sexy (or what we think is sexy), and others take pictures of themselves, naked or semi naked.  Some of us take these pictures just to take them and they are never sent to anyone by text, email or facebook.  Some of us take them to document weight loss progress.  Some of us take them to send to our significant others.  My point is....they are taken.  You have the right to believe that these are on your phone and if you didn't text or email them to someone, then they are safely tucked away for your private viewing and your private viewing only.  Only, that's not necessarily the case.

Let me ask you this....have you ever needed some work done on your phone that could be done in the store, so you have left your phone with your cell service provider for repairs?  Do you still think your photos are safe?  Of course you do.  These are your pictures.  The employees of your cell phone service provider would NEVER look at your pictures.  They would NEVER send copies of your naked/half naked photos to their own phone or save them to their own external hard drives.  They would never then take your pictures then post it, along with your personal information, on a website where just anyone can post pictures of anything but in this case, it's a website that specializes in naked photos taken of one's self.  Your photos would then never be able to be Googled on Google image, simply by typing in your name then having nude photos of you pop up on the internet.  Your cell phone service provider employee would never do something like that.  NEVER.  Right?  Um, wrong.

This shit happened.  Not to me.  But to my dearest friend.  And it was devastating.  Now before you DARE say anything negative about why she would take these type of photos, let me state, she is a dear friend who is very intelligent and had no reason to believe that these photos would EVER be put on the internet.  She had taken these for herself.  She had her reasons and I know what they were and they were valid.  However, she has learned a difficult lesson.  Although they were private photos, meant for only her, they got out and got out in the most public way possible.  It could have harmed her employment, it could have harmed her relationship, it could have harmed her children's image of her.  It could have done a lot.  Thankfully, she was alerted of the situation and things are rolling with criminal charges against the former employee of this cell phone service provider.

My point in writing this?  Your photos on your phone are never safe.  Ever.  Not even if they are on there and you never intend for other eyes to see them.  Do me a favor?  Go and delete any photos that may be deemed inappropriate for others to view.  If you wouldn't feel comfortable with the world being able to see that particular photo of you, then maybe it should not be on your phone.  Oh, and if you leave your phone for repairs at your cell phone service store, even though you SHOULD be able to trust that those employees aren't going through your stuff, you can't trust them.  Remove your SIM card. 

Trust me.  My friend is learning the hard way.