Chili Onion Hormones. Crap. It's here.

Oh crap.  The time is here.  You wonder when it's gonna take place and you're never really prepared for it.  The Little Man is about to be twelve and yep, the hormones have kicked in.  How do I know?  Chili/Onion Pits.  Yep.  You read right.  I said chili/onion pits.  It's quite a distinct smell. 

The Little Man came in my room a few weeks back and said, "Ma, my armpits smell like a Sonic Extra Long Cheese/Chili Coney."  Me, well, I'm still thinking of that sweet little boy that I gave birth to, what the hell does he mean his pits smell like that?  They still smell like Johnson & Johnson babywash.  So, I tell him to come and let me sniff (brave, I know), I raise that arm and take a big ole whiff and Lawrd......yep, it was a Sonic Extra Long Cheese/Chili Coney.....with fricking onions.  Here ya go son....deodorant. 

Really and truly, the signs were there a few months ago.  The Big Sexy and I were tucking the kiddos in bed, ChunkaMunk was first, then Little Man.  As I slide my arms under his pillow to give a big ol' hug, my left hand hit something weird....then, so did the right one.  I grab whatever it was I felt and hold it up to the light.  Two naked Barbie dolls.  Two....Naked....Barbie....Dolls.  Ahem, I look at The Big Sexy.  "You want to handle this one?" I ask.  The conversation then went a little like this.  TBS (the Big Sexy) "Son, why do you have naked Barbie dolls under your pillow?"  TLM (The Little Man), "Um, ChunkaMunk left them there, Dad."  Me, in my head "Thank you Gawd...they still have their heads on them, so he's not decapitating them, he's no serial killer."  TBS, "Why would your sister leave her Barbies under your pillow?  You're not in trouble, what's going on?".   TLM, "Well, I like them when they are naked."  Me, in my head, "Okay.....this is explains the life size Barbie always being naked."  TBS, "Naked  is pretty cool, but why are they in your room, under your pillow?"  TLM, "Well, I think about them and I rub myself."  Me, looking under his bed, saying in my head, "Where in the HELL is the lifesize Barbie and where the hell is the hand sanitizer because ChunkaMunk can't play with these until they've soaked?"  TLM is now embarassed and asks if he could talk with Dad alone.  YES, I mean, yes, baby....you can.  I exit the room, thank the Jeesus that Big Sexy was home for this. 

But if allllll of that didn't clue me in that the hormones were kicking in, the voice deepening a little, his constant questions about sex that he asks (and I encourage him to ask me ANYTHING he wants, because other kids his age don't really know what the hell they are talking about ....trust me.....they had their idea of what blue waffles were and he and I discovered it was way wrong.....and I answer him truthfully.), and now there is the locked bathroom door....yep, all that definitely does let me know.  This is the same kid who thought it was funny to stink up his entire side of the house by taking a shit with an open bathroom door....now it's locked and bathroom time and shower time lasts a little longer than they used to.

I don't think I'm ready.  Nope.  I don't.  The questions are more serious.  Like, let me google this shit first before I answer, because I don't wanna be wrong and he will be all like Bobby Boucheaux (The Water Boy), with, "well, My Momma says...." and it will be wrong.   Lawrd give me patience and the ability to not be embarassed with all of these questions, cause I don't see them stopping anytime soon.  By the time his questions are over, then ChunkaMunk will start.  Oh geesh.....I can't even think about that now.