Religion....pass the plate please.

I'm not really a discusser of religions, mainly because it can be a very touchy subject and you know me, I want to be happy.  Not touchy.  Well, touchy, but only with my husband.  I digress.  Anyway, I have recently had people who have known me for a really long time, ask me why I am so adamantly against  religion.  Even though they have known me for a while, they may not know my history with religion.  So, I figured I would give a little background for everyone.

I grew up as the baby of three, in a family of devout Pentecostals.  Yes.  The ones with the long hair and long dresses/skirts that you can spot from a mile away.  No, not the ones who sold peanut brittle at the post office.  I never got to do anything, if it wasn't church related.  Everything was gonna send me to hell.  When I was around 6 or 7 years old, I began to notice and realize that I was different from all the other kids at school and I grew resentful at an early age at the fact that I wasn't able to take dance or gymnastics with my friends.  I wasn't even allowed to go to a sleep over at friends houses if they weren't members of my church.  For I was taught that if they didn't believe what we as Pentecostals were taught, well, they were going to hell.  But I knew.....knew, this was wrong.  But I was young and had do what my parent's taught me.  Just because I was young, didn't mean that I was perfect in the eyes of my religion.

By the time I reached my teens, I was extremely resentful at the fact that I couldn't do anything.  I wanted to go to the movies, I wanted to cut my hair, I wanted to wear makeup, I wanted to wear jewelry, I want to have a television, I wanted to go to concerts, I wanted to go to football games, I wanted to go to the school dances and prom, I wanted to listen to rock and roll (I admit, I listened to country and rock & roll anyway, because I was indeed a young rebel) I wanted to wear pants, I wanted to fit in.  Not only did I not fit in at school, I didn't fit in at church, because I wanted to do what normal kids did and I didn't want to have to sneak around and do it like the other church kids.  I wanted to be open about it.  So, I trimmed my bangs and was promptly kicked out of youth choir and shunned by the other kids.  When I was finally allowed back to sing, it was then discovered that I was smoking on the side of the library after school.  Kicked out of youth choir again.  It was discovered by my best friend that I was wearing clear mascara (does anybody remember that stuff), she reported it to the pastor of the church and 3 more months were tacked onto my punishment.  I was miserable.  Miserable and constantly reminded that I was going to hell if I didn't repent.  The pastor of the church was constantly making me an example of what "allowing devilish thoughts" into your mind can do.  It can take away the things that you love so much (in my case, singing).  I remember thinking that it wasn't the devil who took that away, it was you, Pastor.  I was brought to the front of the church, forcibly by my father (my relationship with him is a whole 'nother blog) and the Pastor laid his hands on my head, rebuking the spirits that resided in me, causing such rebellion.    Maybe I should mention here that approximately 1 year after said rebuking, it was discovered that the Pastor, who had been telling me that I was going to hell for 5 years, yeah, well, he had been fucking a woman who sat in the front row of the church for 6 of the 8 years he had been there.  Do you know what that does to an 17 almost 18 year old girl?  When that news broke, I said to myself, "Self, if you're going to hell for the little things that you have done, rest assured that you will have company, because Pastor will be in the seat right next to you."  I had 4 months until I turned 18 and it was gonna be ON.

I turned 18 and graduated high school.  Gradually, I began wearing a little makeup and trimming my hair.  One month prior to starting college, I went and bought some jeans, walked in my house and announced to my parents that "I have blue jeans in this bag and I'm about to put them on and start wearing them."  My mom simply told me to do what I needed to and that she would love me no matter what.  My father.  Well, he wouldn't look at or speak to me for three weeks.  Anything that he needed to relay to me, he did so through my mother.  Until his anger about the whole situation bubbled over and he finally decided to communicate with me....with his fists.  After this last beating from him, I never went back to that church and I never officially joined another church.  What I did do was go off to college and proceed to have myself a good time.  Almost too good of a time.

I know that all of that was kind of lengthy and believe me, it was the condensed version.  But I had to spell out all of that to say this.....All of my life, I have been told I was going to hell for simply wanting something more.  I was taught that anyone who didn't believe in the Pentecostal religion, was going to hell.  You are supposed to love the sinner to try and bring them to Christ, but yet you tear them down.  You tear them down while trying to win them to Christ, you tear them down after they have accepted Christ.  When does the hypocritical tearing down of one another stop?  It doesn't.  I don't need that bullshit.  I don't want my kids to experience that bullshit.  They will have enough trying to break them down throughout life without having to add some asshole hypocrit to that list.  My own father told me 7 years ago that it pains him deeply to know that if me and my kids were to be killed right then and there, we would all go to hell.  What the fuck?  (Yes, there is no longer a relationship with that man, but like I said, that's a different blog that I'm not ready to type).  I am here to tell you that the type of clothing I wear, how I style my hair, whether I wear makeup or jewelry....none of that is going to send me to hell.  NONE OF IT.  How do I know this?  Because the skirts, that it was a sin to wear higher than my shins, yeah, now they can be worn just below the knee.  (little do they know that their precious Christian girls have had those skirts WAY up above their knees and around their wastes instead, for a while now).  The jewelry, that made us Jezebel if we wore it, yeah, now they can wear wedding rings and class rings.  The tv's.....yeah, they are all up in their houses now.  What changed?  The bible that you so sanctimoniously thumped on at me, it didn't change.  Ugh. 

Anyways, so there you have it.  I don't need anyone to debate me as to why I need to go to church.  I won't change my stance on it.  I will attend church on special occasions, if my children say they would like to go.  I don't force them to go and I don't force them to stay home.  Just like if they want to experience life, I won't hold them back.  Not from dances, football games, movies, makeup....none of it.  I won't hold them back from it.  So there you have it.....why I am so against organized religion.  In my opinion, those Christians build you up, just to have fun tearing you back down and well....I'm full off of that shit....you can pass the plate of that right on by me.