Angels and assholes

I've just recently seen where one of my favorite bloggers, Insane in the Mom-Brain was reemed a new one by some self righteous people for the following post:

"Just FYI: After all the annoying jibber jabber this morning about getting into the pool now or else they're all gonna DIE, the kids complained about the heat and went back inside after about 45 minutes. One more thing to add to the list of why kids are assholes"

Moms jumped in and could sympathize with her left and right.  It was great.  But then....well, you have the ones who jumped in with their self righteous, indignant attitudes of "how dare you call innocent children assholes" yada, yada, yada.....someone even classily said, that if we were going to call our children names we shouldn't be throwing our pussies up on the table.  That we are what is wrong with today's children.  I bet these people are the same ones who believe that their children are absolute angels, but the reality of it to everyone except for them, is that their children, are indeed the assholes.

Let me ask you something.  Have you ever had a child throw themselves in the grocery store floor, having a fit because you told them that you were not going to buy them that squirt candy?  When she was screaming bloody murder, were you thinking, "My poor little angel is so upset because she can't have the candy." ?  I think not.  You were thinking, "I am going to beat this worthless piece of shit's ass, if she doesn't get up off this here floor."  When you just redid the floors of your children's room and your son got mad at you and decided to carve "I hate Mom" into it....did you think that he was a little angel then and was just trying to beautify the room a little more?  Um, no, you thought he was a completely self absorbed asshole who was old enough to know better than to do that.  (I will admit to the floor carving thing....I stayed eerily calm...I don't know how though.)   Seriously, you have never had your child beg and beg and beg to get something, let's say a snowball, then you take them to go get it, let them choose the flavor, even when you tell them that they probably won't like, but they just HAVE to get it, then they start eating it...don't like it and begin to complain.  Assholes.  What about the latest shoes?  You know that phase of the heelies?  Every kid had them, except yours.  So you finally broke down and bought your child a pair, but he couldn't figure out how to skate on them, so the $90 pair of shoes with wheels on them, sat in his closet, never getting worn, while the wornout tennies with holes in the toe were.....asshole.  How do we get these assholes to grow into decent adults?  We tell them that they are being assholes about stuff and teach them the right way to handle things.  One of those things being that when someone publicly admits to thinking that their children can be assholes, it's okay.  Not to be a judgemental dick about it, but to realize that we were all assholes at some point in life and some of us never grew out of it.

Other than when they are asleep, I haven't thought that my two children were angels since they were about 6 months old.  You know why?  Because they aren't.  They are assholes.  But they are MY assholes and I believe that it's okay that I can call them that.  Do I call them that to their face, of course not....okay, maybe on one or two occasions.  But that's ME, their mom.  I gave birth to them.  I pushed them out of that "pussy that I threw up on the table".  I can call them what I want.  Just as you can call yours what you want.  (Angel, sweetheart, asshole, shithead, whatever...) Just because I say that they are assholes, doesn't mean that they haven't made my life amazing.  Sometimes amazingly good, other times...well, amazingly crazy.  But amazing nonetheless.  I wouldn't trade my little assholes for anything.  Especially not the angels that these self righteous REAL assholes have.  Heaven forbid I get one of those.