Old, schmold....okay...Old...dammit.

When did I become old?  Well, not really old, but you know, well, crap....let me explain.

It was a hole in the wall bar.  A hole in the wall, karaoke bar.  A hole in the wall, karaoke bar that served food.  Have a mentioned a stripper pole in the middle of the dance floor yet?  No?  It was a hole in the wall karaoke bar that served food with a stripper pole in the middle of the dance floor.  We walked in there and my first thought was "Shit, I told The Big Sexy that I wasn't going to get into ANY trouble....but there is a STRIPPER POLE....."  Of course at this time, it was 8:45 pm, the crowd was very, very light.  A few men who were missing their teeth, sitting at the bar, watching the basketball game.  So us five girls found a corner booth, wiped the sticky stuff off the menu and proceeded to figure out what we wanted to do.  "Okay," says Brooke, "we're gonna order some disgusting food, get a drink, Jenn's gonna sing, then we are gonna get the heck out of here."  Sounds like a good plan. 

After ordering one of everything off the appetizer menu, the waitress asked if we wanted to order drinks.  I'm not really a beer drinker and I can't imagine them having a decent wine, so I asked for whatever there strongest, most popular drink was.  "Liquid Marijuana".  What the hell?  Let me say, right off the bat, they should have named it "pureed Melon" because other than being a little on the green side, it in no way, shape, or form had any affects that regular marijuana....um, not that I know anything about that....has.  It tasted like a melony, rummish drink.  So I ordered another one, then I had two lemon drop martinis.  By the time our food got there, our two other friends had shown  up and the crowd was starting to thicken.  By the time karaoke started, there was standing room only.  Two of our girls kicked it off with Salt & Pepa "Push It".....yeah, that was hilarity in itself.  The bar was starting to get full of people...young and old, skanky and beautiful.  But mostly young and beautiful.  And when I say young, I swear that when one of those beautiful young boys approached me to buy me a drink (I declined because I'm weird about that stuff), I still smelled Similac on his breath.  The girls were all dressed to a tee in their 5 inch heels, skirts that barely covered their hooha and low cut shirts.  Did I mention that this was a HOLE IN THE WALL, KARAOKE BAR WITH A STRIPPER POLE IN THE MIDDLE???  It was clearly a blue jeans establishment.  When did girls start dressing like that?  I digress, cause that's a whole nother blog.

Anyways, the night moved on, I sang song number one.  The crowd was getting more lively and by that, I mean drunk.  Then, it happened.  Inhibitions were loose enough to where the stripper pole came into play.  Wow.  These girls were talented.  And I don't say that all judgementally at all.  I'm serious.  If I hadn't known better, I would have sworn that there was true experience there, cause they were THAT good.  Legs all wrapped around it, swirling, swirling, hair a flipping.  Dang.  Then the older lady got on there.  Um, uh, well.  It was awkward.  But you know what?  She didn't care, she attempted to work that pole, to own it.  In the mean time, the rest of us just kind of squirmed in our seats, watching.  Because it was awkward to watch.  Then "Baby Got Back" came on....awww yeah, that was our jam (I laughed as I typed that) and we all started dancing...all of us in my group, plus more.  It was there that I realized that the young girls were kind of sitting back, watching us all.....with that look.  I recognize that look.  It was the same one I gave when I was 22 and watching the older ladies out on the dance floor, thinking that they should know better than to be acting like that at their age.  Yeah, well, apparently, at 37, I am now that old lady and I don't like it....not one bit.  But honey, I shook it and shook it good to "little in the middle but she got much back...."  Karaoke time again, where I blew them away with some Adele, "Rolling in the Deep" and after that, I made the mistake of looking at my watch.  What?  1:00AM?  Dang, it's past my bedtime.  Then some drunk young man thought it would be funny to bend over and rub his hairy asscrack on a girl in our group, to which she stood up, threw her drink in his face and started waving her hands, "oh hell no you didn't just do that".......Yawn. Oh, would you look at the time.....time to go.  Okay, so when I'm not willing to stay past 1:00 and I'm not willing to get in a bar fight, maybe I am old after all.  But I'd like to think it's more called, grown up.  I don't know....it may be old....did I mention that one of us fell and then another pissed all over herself from laughing at that travesty because her bladder just doesn't hold anymore?  Yeah, I'm thinking that it's called getting old.  Shit.


Link to my karaoke....if I did this right...lawrd...

yes, I will karaoke for you....