Perfectly Real A-holes

I wish I could be a perfect parent.  Let me re-phrase that....I wish I could be a parent who believes she is a perfect parent and tries to convince everyone else of that, too.  Okay.  Maybe not.  Because then that would make me the asshole person who thinks they are the perfect parent.

 

I'm just gonna admit it.  My children have irked my soul these last few days.  Not necessarily over "big" things, either.  It could be small.  Like, "Maaaaa, The Little Man got my bunny out and is playing with it and he didn't ask me first."  or "Maaaaa, please tell ChunkaMunk to not breathe so hard while she's eating."  or "Maaaaa, The Little Man farted and that's gross."  and "Maaaaa, ChunkaMunk isn't doing her homework." or "Maaaaa, I can't find my ballet slippers, do you know where they are?" and my personal favorite, "Maaaaaa, tell him to quit looking at me."  All of it...constantly going on.  Neverending.  From the moment they are awake at the same time, to when they go to bed.  I'm even having to deal with, "Why do you always tuck her in to sleep first?" 

 

       Oh.   My.  God.

These are not first world problems.  I know this.  But you know what?  The "perfect" parent would never admit to this bullshit getting on their nerves.  They would say, "oh, yes they argue but it doesn't bother me because I know that I'm gonna miss it when they are gone."  I cry "BULLSHIT"!   Please....please just say it so that everyone else can not feel like an awful parent for just once.  Please...just admit that you, too, have thought of duct taping them together until they get along.  Please admit that you have thought of just walking out the house, leaving it for someone else to deal with (not that, that is literally an option....but just admit that you've thought that.)  Please admit that you have wanted to scream to the top of your lungs, "STOP IT!  JUST FREAKING. STOP. IT!"  Please admit that you have thought "oh God, they're awake." because it has been nice to drink your coffee in the morning , without having to sit it down and deal with an argument, only to return to the coffee and it be ice cold.  Please admit that there are times that you lock yourself in the bathroom and saying that you are "using it", but really, you're in there on your phone Facebooking because you just want some time alone for just a few minutes.....only the bathroom is no good either because they stand, outside the door, waiting, like vultures. 

 

Do all of these admissions make you any less of a good or great parent?  No....no, they don't.  We all love our children and Gawd knows we would fight tigers and raging, red assed baboons for them.  But these admissions make you real.  Or, to you perfect parents it makes you think that  for us who admit to these things, we are the assholes.  So, maybe we are ALL assholes.  The perfect assholes and the real assholes.  I guess I'm admitting that I'm a real asshole.   A perfectly, real, asshole. I dunno.

 

Just some thoughts, I reckon.