Cautious Hope

<Tap, tap, tap>  Is this thing on?

I took a nap.  Wait.  No....a break, I took a break.  I wish it had been a nap.  A nap that lasts for years.  OHMYGODS.  That sounds wonderful.

Where did you go, Jennay?  What has been happening?  Are you okay?  How is your son?  Is he doing okay?   I'm gonna try and answer all of that, but be prepared.  It is a long story because it has been a long journey and it is still ongoing.  But there is hope.  There is still hope and I will never let go of it.  Never.

Like I said.  I took a break from the Facebook page.    I had to.  That page started out as fun and then as my life begin to change, it became a place to sort of vent and share in order to let people know that they are not alone when it comes to feeling like you are a terrible parent (word of wisdom though...you aren't), and then over time, I felt like I wasn't truly helping anyone, I was simply putting my shit out there, BUT....after a break and then a recent dinner out with some old high school friends, I realized how much I missed it and that yes, I actually may have been helping others through their own rough spot and so....yeah, I'm back.  I have no idea if I will begin this whole writing thing again, but we will see.

What has been happening and are you okay?  Well, life. Life has happened and yes, I am okay (depending on who you ask).  The Big Sexy and I are strong as ever.  ChunkAMunk is now twelve and about to start junior high (WHAT?).  The Little Man is going to be a junior in high school.  I can't even believe that he has made it that far.  It has been a road with him.

I'll give you a brief rundown as to where we are with him.  Ready?  Most of you know that we decided to send him to boarding school in the Spring of 2015, due to the drugs and overall behavior.  You know, trying to just get him away from that environment.  He returned to boarding school in the Fall of 2015 and then everything went to shit.  Since then, he:

• 10/15 was expelled from boarding school
• 10/15 was allowed to return to public school
• 1/16 ran away from home
• 1/16 made to attend a youth program for rebellious teens
• 1/16 was arrested for domestic assault/aggravated battary against dad
• 1/16 was court ordered to juvie hall unless we posted bail (we didn't)
• 2/16 was charged with felony theft of a firearm, sale of a firearm to a minor, domestic assault, and aggravated battary
• 3/16 was released from juvie hall on 18 months probation with 18 months suspended sentence, an ankle monitor, mandatory attendance to complete a youth service program.

Okay.  You are caught up.  I won't go into details because my goodness, you don't have hours to read this one blog post.  I will tell you this.  There has been counseling.  For him and us.  There seems to have been a turn around for him.  I think.  I hope.  But I have said that before and then turned around and slapped in the face with lies and deception and heartbreak.  But I have always had hope.  I always will.  The man child that I have now, free of drugs, is certainly not the man child that was wrapped up in them just a few months ago.  I didn't recognize that kid.  It was like looking at a stranger.  A stranger that had kidnapped that kid that you raised and locked him away somewhere, making you wonder if you were ever going to see him again.  This kid now.....I recognize him.  What we are dealing with now is the more typical teenage stuff.  That stuff I KNOW how to deal with.  That stuff I am thankful to be going through.  

Not for one second do I think everything is cured.  He is almost 16 and still has a lifetime to make the right choices and not go back to what he was doing.  As his mom, I can only somewhat be in control of what he does while he lives in my home.  I have to accept that what he does after that, in his adult life, will be his decision, but he knows that if he returns to that life, we will love him, but won't condone it and won't support it.  I think he realized that when we left him in juvie for two months.  

We are cautiously hopeful.  We know that no matter how bad things were, we were blessed that they weren't far worse.  Because it could have been.  I am thankful for this journey, if you can believe that.  Why?  Because it made me become a far less judgemental parent.  And my Gods, we need quite a few less of those out there.  

And now....I have a daughter who in less than six months, will be entering that teenage world....please God....please.....let this be a different journey.....<holds tight to that hope I mentioned earlier>